That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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