First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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