he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
