I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
