Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
