Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
