Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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