whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize