so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
