this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
