I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
