he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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