He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
