Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
