I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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