do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it because I queefed?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
