remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
