just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
