I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
