I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
