Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
