She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
