office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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