We're like a lot better than the average bears
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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