Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vagina is very pro this idea
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
