Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
