you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
