I heard we made out
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
