Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
