I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
