And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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