it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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