Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
