:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
