I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize