Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
