the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize