at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
