he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
