Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
