News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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