There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize