The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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