I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize