I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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