Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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