When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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