just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
