bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
