So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
