Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think a kid would responsible me up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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