i don't like sucking hair
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize