Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
