the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
