I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just pee around me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
