I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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