remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
