You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
