Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
