Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
