Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
