I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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