normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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