I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
