He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize