i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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