Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
