she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize