what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
