Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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