I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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