Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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