You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize