I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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