Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
