I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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