walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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