You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
