i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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