Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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