Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
