porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
