Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
