yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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