im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize