I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
