I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
