She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
