Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
