Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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