omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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