batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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