Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
