do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
