Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
