I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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