She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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