Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
