i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
