I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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