You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
