Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think my vagina is haunted
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
