can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
