My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
