He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
