my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
