She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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