thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
