you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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