It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
