Cold hands, warm shart.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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