It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
