Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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