she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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